Didn't We Almost Have It All
by Maggsie
Summary: Can Emily and JJ survive when disaster strikes their family? Emily/JJ. Femslash, don't like, don't read.
1. Perfect?

**Disclaimer: **I do not own CM, if I did...this might be happening, but with a little less angst!

So I just had this story idea, and I just had to write it down. It's going to be farely long story, so I hope you enjoy! This is dedicated to **DarkBard0 **for being a kiss ass beta, and kicking me in to touch!

Anyway, read on...and enjoy!

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**2 Weeks Before**

_Emily sat back against the couch arm, her legs up on the soft fabric of the cream couch as JJ sat between them, with her head leant back against Emily's shoulder. It was a Friday night, and they had just got back from a six day case in Florida. It had been tough on the pregnant blonde, who was currently going through the worst of her morning sickness. Though she wasn't sure how it could be called morning sickness when it lasted all day!_

_The team had been great, making sure she had plenty of water and that she was eating well. Though none of them tried to get in between the blonde and her M&M's. Emily had tried and she had had her hand smacked for her trouble, and tears from JJ. She wasn't going to try that again anytime soon._

_Luckily for the brunette, it hadn't been as bad as JJ's first pregnancy. But she hadn't been there with JJ while she was at home; Will had been there for that and now it was her turn. And she had to admit, as much as the hormones were making JJ slightly crazy and the sickness she was going through, Emily loved every minute of it._

_The profiler leant forward and gently nuzzled the blonde's neck, making JJ laugh. Her hands moved round to the liaison's stomach, caressing it with her fingertips. JJ was four months along, but she was hardly showing. There was just a slight bump, which couldn't be seen under baggy clothes. The blonde's hand came up to cover the brunette's as she tilted her head, meeting Emily's gaze, and eagerly accepting the kiss that the profiler leaned down for._

"_So now we know it's a girl, we should start thinking of names, don't you think?"_

_Emily asked softly, as she looked down to the living room floor, where Henry was playing with his toys. JJ followed her gaze before turning her head back to look at the brunette._

"_Baby, we have loads of time. You really want to do it now? Naming a baby can take a long time."_

"_This is why we should get started now."_

_The brunette stated, and JJ had to agree. They had left naming Henry till the last minute, and this time she wanted to be more organised. Emily was so excited about everything, that all she could do was grin at her wife. She would humour her for the time being. After all, it was her baby too._

_Emily smiled, and placed a small kiss behind JJ's ear, making the blonde laugh again. It was a particularly sensitive spot for her, and the brunette knew that. She liked to do it as much as she could, she loved to see the liaison squirm under her touch._

"_So...names."_

_Emily stated, and all JJ could do was laugh, as it was obvious that the brunette had no idea where to start. It was understandable; it was a major decision to make. The kid was going to have the name for the rest of her life. It wasn't something to be made lightly._

"_Well, we need it to go with Prentiss."_

_JJ said logically and she felt Emily smile against her neck. The brunette never thought she would have a child, especially a child with her last name. It made her love JJ even more, for allowing her to be a Prentiss. And the fact that the blonde had changed her name to it too, even though she was still known as a Jareau at work. She was legally Jennifer Ann Prentiss, but JP just didn't suit her like JJ did. Plus it would of been hard for everyone to change, but she loved Emily and she had wanted to do it for her. To reaffirm her commitment even further. Besides, Emily hardly ever called her JJ at home, just at work. At home she was Jennifer; something that no-one else had called her, not even Will. It was their own special little thing, and JJ loved that._

"_That we do, is there any names you've always liked?"_

_Emily asked, and JJ turned to look at her again, before looking back at Henry who was running a toy car along the floor._

"_Honestly, I've never thought about it."_

_JJ said softly, as Henry stood and ran towards them, jumping on the arm of the couch behind Emily's head, as he wrapped his little arms around her neck. The brunette chuckled, as he gave her a big kiss on the cheek .Jumping back down, he ran round and jumped on the couch to snuggle up into JJ. She kissed the top of his head before looking back up to Emily, giving her another soft kiss._

"_Well, it's a girl, so that kind of narrows it down!"_

_Emily explained smugly, with a huge grin on her face. She started to tickle Henry and he started to squirm, but thought back to more important matters when she saw the look on JJ's face and she stopped tickling, withdrawing her hands and placing them on the blonde's hips._

"_How about Elizabeth?"_

_JJ asked, and a frown appeared across Emily's forehead. That was her middle name, and she hated it with a passion. Obviously her m, other was very proud of her own name, to pass it on to her daughter too, even if it was just the middle name. She didn't want her daughter to have the same name. _

"_After my Mother?! No, thank you!"_

_The brunette exclaimed hard, wanting to draw a line under that name completely. _

"_Okay, okay. How about Paris?"_

"_I do not want my daughter being named after a socialite, or a country, or any other weird name. I just want her to have a normal name, something that won't get her picked on at school!"_

_JJ couldn't help but laugh at her wife, and though she hated to admit it, she had to agree with the brunette. They just needed a normal girl's name...like Sarah, Louise or..._

"_Buzz Light-year!"_

_Henry shouted, jumping up suddenly in front of JJ's face. His face was so serious, that the both of them had to bite their lip to stop laughing. Reaching forward, Emily ruffled his hair and pulled him closer to them, allowing her to place a kiss on his forehead._

"_I don't think so Buddy, that's a boy's name. You're going to have a baby sister, so we need a girls name."_

_Emily explained as Henry nodded, before sitting down and sliding off the couch to go and play with his toys again. JJ turned in her wife's arms, kneeling up on her knees, as she brushed a piece of loose brunette hair behind Emily's ear. The profiler smiled gently, leaning forward and placing a chaste kiss on the blonde's lips. _

"_You make me so happy."_

_JJ murmured against Emily's lips, as her arms around the brunette's neck. _

"_Then it's a good job you make me happy too!"_

_The profiler quipped, as JJ placed a deeper kiss on her lips. A thought suddenly hit her and Emily pulled back much to the displeasure of the extremely horny JJ, who wanted Emily as soon as Henry went to bed! And that wasn't soon enough for her liking._

"_I've got it!"_

_JJ quirked an eyebrow at her wife, waiting for her to spit it out._

"_I've got a name! Olivia."_

_The blonde couldn't help the smile that spread across her face; it was a name that she had loved since she was little. She was going to call it Olivia if Henry had been a girl._

"_It's perfect. If it's okay, I'd like her middle name to be Grace, after my sister."_

_The liaison whispered. Emily agreed with another gentle kiss to the blonde's lips._

"_Olivia Grace Prentiss. I love it baby. I love you."_

"_I love you too."_

X X X

**Present Day**

Emily placed a hand on the small of her wife's back, as she opened the door and guided her in to their house. A dim light from the lounge lit up the hallway, and she put their bags on the floor. She could hear Henry laughing, and a soft smile spread across her face. JJ's reaction was different; she frowned, pulling away from Emily and walking down the hall to their bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

The brunette let out a big sigh, running a hand through her hair. She wasn't sure what to do, either go and see JJ or go and have some fun with Henry. Remind herself that there still was good in the world, even if it wasn't shining down on them right then.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, trying to wake herself up, she walked towards the family room. Before she could even take a step in the room, she felt something slam in to her legs. Looking down, she brushed her hand over soft blonde hair, before reaching down and picking Henry up, placing him on her hip.

"Hey buddy."

She whispered, and she had to choke back the tears that she knew were building. She wasn't sure how they were going to get through this, but they had to for Henry.

"Hi Mommy!"

He greeted happily, putting his hands either side of her face and placing a kiss on her lips. Emily couldn't help but smile, the little boy always managed to cheer her up when she was having a bad day. And god, it was a bad day. Bad couple of days. It was nice to come home and see her son, though she could clearly see he was drooping, as he placed his head in the crook of her neck, his thumb in his mouth.

Emily couldn't stop the single tear that rolled down her cheek, as she kissed the little boy's hair. Looking back up, she met blue eyes which belonged to one Penelope Garcia who had a sympathetic look on her face. Emily wasn't sure she could deal with sympathy right then.

"How has he been?"

The brunette asked softly, walking forward to sit next to Garcia on the couch. Emily placed Henry in her lap, as he stayed cushioned against her chest.

"He's been as good as gold, princess. But then I wouldn't expect anything different from a gorgeous boy like him."

The profiler smiled against Henry's hair, who she knew had fallen asleep. It was so quiet that she could hear his gentle breath's. Emily was a little startled, when Garcia gently stroked her hair, and she turned to face the tech analyst.

"How's JJ?"

Garcia whispered, not wanting to wake the now sleeping baby boy. Emily glanced down the hall to their bedroom, before turning back to meet Garcia's concerned gaze.

"She keeps telling me she's okay, but she's really not."

"It's understandable. She's just going to need a bit of time."

Emily nodded, as she tightened her hold around Henry. This time she couldn't stop the sob that came. In the corner of her eye, she saw Garcia move closer to her, and she felt arms wrap around her. Keeping hold of Henry, she cried into Garcia's shoulder. The last few days she had tried so hard to keep her emotions in check, for JJ, but she couldn't keep up the charade anymore. What she was feeling, needed to escape. And crying was one of the only ways she could do it. That and beating the hell out of an UnSub.

About ten minutes later, she had calmed down a little, finally pulling herself away from Garcia's shoulder. Henry had stayed asleep during the entire thing. Garcia wiped the brunette's tears away with the pads of her thumbs, before reaching forward and placing a gentle kiss on the profiler's forehead. Emily grabbed the quirky tech's hand and squeezed it gently.

"Thank you."

She whispered, and Emily could see the tears glistening in Garcia's own eyes.

"It's no problem chick-a-dee. I'm always here, for both of you."

Garcia said sincerely, and the brunette nodded, the appreciation obvious on her face. The tech stood up, and Emily did the same, putting Henry back on her hip. The movement didn't even make him stir. The quirky blonde ran a hand through her godson's hair, before placing a kiss on Emily's nose. Smiling, she followed Garcia out to the front door.

"Keep in touch, and look after my girl, my god son, and yourself."

"I will. I promise."

Emily stood in the doorway, until Garcia had walked away. Turning back into the house, she walked towards Henry's room. She was so proud of his room. The brunette had decorated it when JJ had been working late at work, making it a surprise for the blonde. The profiler chuckled, remembering her wife's reaction.

"C'mon buddy, time for bed."

She whispered in to the sleeping boy's head. Emily placed Henry down gently on to his bed, pulling the covers up around him. She sat there for a moment, just watching him sleep as she ran a hand over his face, caressing her son's soft skin.

"I love you, so so much."

Wiping away her tears that were falling again with the back of her hand, she stood up and slowly walked away making sure his night light was on first. Stopping in the doorway, she turned back to look at him one more time before closing his door behind her.

Taking a deep breath, and composing herself she walked slowly to their bedroom. The one she shared with JJ. Opening the door slowly, she took in the sight in front of her. JJ was laid on her side, her arms wrapped round one of Emily's pillows. The brunette could tell her wife had been crying, under her eyes were red and puffy. But she couldn't blame her; it was a lot to take in.

Stepping closer, she knelt down on the bed, and crawled to her wife slowly, not bothering to change out of her clothes, as all she wanted to do was hold her wife. Lying down behind JJ, she wrapped an arm around the liaison's waist, placing a gentle kiss on the back of her head. And as the tears fell again, she felt her eyes droop, missing the sob that shook through her wife's body.

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**I'd love to know what you think, whether it be good, bad or anything! I absolutely adore reviews! Almost as much as I adore Emily, JJ and Henry and thinking of them as a family!**


	2. Family Unites

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Criminal Minds, but I wish I did!

Huge thank you to **DarkBard0 **for helping me with this chapter, and doing a kick ass beta. Also, a thank you to everyone that reviewed, it means alot :)

Chapter this way!

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The bright light blazed through the open window, right in to Emily's eyes. She stirred, tightening her hold around the body next to her. Slowly coming to, she gradually opened her eyes, giving them time to get used to the harsh light. Having them finally fully opened, she extracted her arm from around JJ's waist, turning on to her back. She could hear the shallow breaths coming from the blonde, the sounds she made when she was still asleep. Deciding that she needed to get as much sleep as possible, she very slowly sat up, making as little movement as possible.

Swinging her legs round over the bed, she gasped quietly when she saw Henry sitting there just staring back at her with his big, beautiful eyes. He had his thumb in his mouth, a habit he did when he was nervous about something. Still sat on the bed, she leant forward and stroked her hand through his blonde hair. Emily smiled gently, as he removed his thumb and smiled up at her, and she couldn't help but smile back.

After everything that had happened in the few days before, she needed to stay strong for Henry and for JJ. Standing up, she went to her closet and changed out of the clothes she had on the night before, in to some sweats and a t-shirt. Coming back out, she lifted Henry off the floor and on to her hip, giving him a gentle kiss on his forehead. She glanced at the clock, and saw that they had slept for over eleven hours. No wonder Henry had come to find them. Leaving JJ asleep, she walked down the stairs and out in to the kitchen.

"Me din't wanna wake you."

Henry said around his thumb, as Emily placed him in his high chair. She went to the cupboard, and started to warm up some porridge for him. She ran her hand through her hair, as she waited. She almost laughed, as the brunette heard Henry banging on the tray. Now heated up, she turned round with a grin and placed the bowl and a spoon in front of him.

She took a seat next to the counter, as she just watched him eat. It astounded her at how quickly he was growing up. At the start of the year he was only saying two or three word sentences, and now he couldn't stop babbling to them about all sorts. His vocabulary had gotten a lot bigger, and herself and JJ had to be careful what they were saying. He was picking up every little thing. Just last week, Emily had heard him say 'hunk of chocolate' when he saw Morgan, copying what Garcia had just said.

He never stopped moving, he was always running around the house. He was just a little ball of energy, and sometimes Emily found it hard to keep up with him. But when they came home from a hard case, the little boy was exactly what they needed to remind them of the good in the world. He had his little tantrums of course, like every other two year-old, but it was nothing either of them couldn't handle.

When Will had him, every other weekend, Emily found herself missing him like crazy. Apart from JJ, Henry was the light of the brunette's life. She treated him like he was her own, and Henry didn't treat her any different than he did JJ. Emily was just glad that there wasn't much of Will in him, it was all JJ. His beautiful eyes and his magical smile was all her wife. But it also made her want for another baby even stronger; she wanted to see a child with her and JJ's features.

A clatter of a fork on the floor, pulled her out of her thoughts and she jumped off the seat to pick up the fork seeing that Henry had finished. Giving him a kiss on the hair, she took the bowl from him and popped it in to the sink. Coming back, she lifted him out, placing him on her hip.

"Let's go and get you changed, and then we can play, okay?"

"Kay!"

Henry replied excitedly, as Emily let him out of his high chair and set him down on the floor, and followed him back up the stairs. He liked going up the stairs on all fours, and then coming back down sliding on his bum. He waited at the top of the stairs for her.

An hour later, Emily found herself on the family room floor, playing with Henry's toys and the little boy. She had been in to check on JJ a number of times, and each time she had been asleep. The brunette hadn't had the heart to wake her, so left her there. She needed all the sleep she could get after the last few days, and the profiler was more than happy to keep Henry entertained.

A knock on the door startled her, but not Henry as he quickly ran to the front door.

"Ask who it is first!"

Emily shouted, as she stood up and watched over the couch as Henry asked who it is. She didn't hear the answer, but he reached up to open the door so she knew that Henry knew the other on the other side of the door. The brunette was a little shocked when the door opened to reveal the whole team. Henry was soon in Garcia's arms, and they all followed the quirky tech in to the family room, and Emily saw that Henry had ended up with Morgan.

One by one, they gave her a hug, even the never-smiling Hotch, until she had Henry passed back to her. She motioned for them to take a seat where they could, as she sat down, the little boy sat on her lap, his thumb finding his mouth again. He wasn't shy, but groups of people seemed to make him nervous. She gave his temple a kiss, and looked to the rest of the team, who had scattered themselves round the room. Judging by Garcia's face, and the others, they had no idea what had been happening.

"Henry, why don't you go and play in your room? I'll come and get you in a minute."

Emily said softly, and he looked up at her with the saddest eyes she'd ever seen. He had no idea what was going on, but he would soon. She just didn't want to tell him in front of anybody else, and she didn't know whether JJ wanted to tell him.

He nodded slowly, and slid off her lap, picking up the blanket he always carried with him, and walked up the stairs to his bedroom. Emily watched him as he went, before turning back to everyone else in the room. Garcia, who was sat next to her, grabbed hold of her hand and squeezed gently. The brunette could feel all eyes on her, and she hated it. Taking a deep breath, she composed herself, before speaking.

"I guess you all want to know what's been going on..."

Taking a gulp, she met the eyes of Morgan, her best friend on the team. He had always had her back, and she had always had his. He was the big brother she never had, and she knew he was there for her for anything. He would be distraught just because she was.

"Take your time, girl."

Morgan said, and she gave him a slight smile as she nodded. The brunette felt Garcia tighten the hold on her hand, and she took the comfort that the gesture held. Looking down at the floor, she let a lone tear fall down her cheek, before quickly wiping it away with her free hand. She hated to be seen as vulnerable in front of anyone.

"Well, I know that Garcia told you that JJ has been in the hospital for the last few days, and I'm sorry that you couldn't come and see her. But it was too hard, and she wasn't really up for any company."

She looked back up to be met with understanding looks. She sighed in relief, glad that they hadn't been mad about not being able to see the press liaison. Emily knew they had tried, and that they had phoned the hospital, but JJ hadn't wanted to know anything.

"JJ lost the baby."

Emily spoke so gently, that the rest of the team struggled to hear her. But they did, and all there was silence. No-one knew what to say, so Emily carried on explaining.

"She more or less had to go through labour, because she was past the four month stage. I've never seen her so devastated. She's hardly said anything since it happened, and I don't know what to say that could help."

Emily stated as she let the tears fall this time. Morgan stood to come and give her a hug but she put her hand up in gesture, telling him that it was okay. He sat back down, and Emily looked to Garcia who also had tears in her eyes.

"How are you doing, Emily?"

Hotch asked, and the brunette turned to her Unit Chief. She hadn't really been thinking about herself, all she was focusing on was JJ and making sure that Henry was happy. The profiler knew that if she thought about it too much, then she wouldn't be able to get out of bed in the morning. She would be tied down with the devastation, and everything else that came with it.

"Honestly, I'm just doing the best I can to stay strong for JJ and for Henry. That's all I can do for now. I just wish I could take away just a little of her pain."

Emily said honestly, as she looked down at her hands. She hated being the centre of attention; it always made her feel uncomfortable. And crying just made that feeling even worse. She couldn't break down, and she refused to in front of JJ. She could feel everybody's eyes on her, and she looked back up to meet everyone's gaze.

"You have your own pain too, Em. It's okay to let it out."

Morgan sympathised, and the brunette nodded, wiping her tears away. She felt Garcia's arm wrap around her shoulder, and Emily leaned in to the side embrace.

The next half an hour, they spent away from the subject of the baby, and instead talked a little about the case that the team had been on while JJ had been in the hospital. It made Emily feel guilty, that they had left the team two members down, but they had seemed to manage okay and for that the brunette was grateful.

A few minutes before Garcia had gone to get Henry from his room, while the profiler stayed to talk to the rest of the team. She noticed that Reid had been extremely quiet during the whole thing. But Emily knew that he and JJ had a close bond, and he was hurting because she was. The brunette just wanted to rewind the last few days, and find that nothing had happened. Find that JJ was still pregnant with their baby, and Henry was still going to be a big brother. It had all disappeared in a matter of hours.

Emily couldn't help but smile, as Henry came running in to the family room. He jumped in to her lap and wrapped his arms around her neck, as he gave her lips a quick kiss. The brunette grinned, as his Godmother walked in looking thoroughly exhausted, after just spending a few minutes with him. The two year-old boy laughed when Emily kissed his face all over. Being a mother was the best job in the world.

Climbing off her lap, Henry went to play with his toys on the floor, and Emily saw that every member of the team had a huge smile on their faces. All except Hotch who was looking at her.

"You're a wonderful Mother, Emily."

The profiler could feel the heat rising up her neck, and she smiled, mouthing a 'thank you' to her boss. Things had not been great between the two of them when she started, but he had done so much for herself and JJ. She couldn't wish for a better boss, he looked after his own.

It turned silent, as they all watched Henry playing with his toys. The little boy liked to talk to himself when he did, and they were all enchanted by him. He wasn't going to stay the sweet little boy for much longer. Emily was just relieved that so far they had avoided the terrible two's.

They were all pulled away from Henry, as JJ suddenly appeared in the doorway. She was pale, and she had dark eyes, she looked exhausted. She stood there looking at everyone, her arms across her chest. Her hair was pulled back loosely, showing everyone just how tired she really was. Her wife had gotten changed, Emily noted, and by the looks of it had had a shower. Garcia stood up and walked towards her best friend, wrapping her arms around her, but JJ just kept her arms crossed not reciprocating the hug.

Garcia stepped back, as she ran a hand down JJ's arm. The quirky tech came back and took her seat next to Emily again. The liaison came forward, and took a seat in the empty seat that was left, curling up as her legs came up against her chest. Her head resting on her knees. Emily met her gaze, but she could no longer see the sparkle in the blue eyes that was usually there.

"Baby, do you want something to eat?"

Emily asked softly. The brunette could see that JJ had turned her attention to their son, but she was obviously paying attention as she shook her head.

"Drink?"

She asked again, and she got another nod. Emily frowned, her wife needed to have something. JJ hadn't had anything since she had left the hospital, and she was weaker anyway. But she couldn't force the liaison to eat or drink something, but she could keep trying, and she would.

They all returned their attention to Henry who hadn't yet noticed that JJ had entered the room. No-one seemed to know what to say, and Emily found herself getting increasingly uncomfortable. She wasn't the type of person who would ask people to leave, besides she appreciated that they had come to see how they were and find out what had happened. They were a family, after all.

A few minutes later, Henry turned to say something to Emily, but grinned as he saw JJ sat there. Standing up, he ran towards JJ who had to put her legs down and hold out her hands to stop him from running in to her. The blonde gently lifted him on to her lap, and Henry gave his Mom a kiss on the cheek.

"Hello Mommy!"

JJ didn't reply, just gave her son a kiss on the head. He cuddled in to her, and Emily saw her wife wince slightly, but hid it from Henry. He gently slid off her lap, and turned round putting his face right by her stomach. They all held their breath as Henry spoke.

"Hello baby!"

He squealed, and he leaned forward and gave her stomach a kiss. Emily could feel the tears forming again, and stood up when JJ immediately stood up and walked out the room. The brunette went after her, following her up the stairs but when she got to the bedroom she got the door shut in her face. Leaning against the door, she slid her hand down it as she started to sob.

Defeated, she walked back down the stairs not even trying to stop the tears. Everyone looked at her, as she walked back in the family room, and Morgan stood up, engulfing her in a hug. Emily clung to his t-shirt, crying in to his shoulder, as his arms wrapped around her shoulders. The brunette let the sobs rack through her body. Later she would feel ashamed that she had cried in front of everybody, but for now she needed to get it out.

Calmed down slightly, Emily pulled back but not before giving Morgan a kiss on the cheek. She looked towards her other teammates, and she was met with nothing but understanding looks.

"Where's Henry?"

She whispered, seeing that he was no longer in the room. She looked towards Garcia wanting an answer.

"He ran up to his room, after JJ left. We're going to leave you to it now."

Emily nodded, whispering 'thank you' as it would allow her to talk to Henry. He was no doubt upset that JJ had just walked out of the room, and she couldn't blame him. He had no idea what was going on, which wasn't fair.

They all stood up, stopping to give her a hug as they left. Garcia was the last, telling her to call if she needed anything. She walked them out, before heading back and up the stairs to talk to her son. Opening his door, her heart broke when she saw him lying on his bed, crying his little heart out. She quickly made her way over, joining him on the bed and taking him in her arms.

"What wong with Mommy?"

He said, struggling through the tears. Emily knew he had been so excited about being an older brother; he had constantly talked to JJ's stomach. Every so often it had hit JJ's hormones and she ended up crying her eyes out, the only difference was that was out of happiness. Henry had been there when they had chosen her name. He had helped Emily choose the colours for her nursery. How was she supposed to tell him that he wasn't going to be a big brother anymore? She just had to be honest with him, that's the best she could do.

"Mommy can't have the baby anymore."

"Why not?"

Emily sighed softly, looking down at her son who was looking right back up at her. She tightened her hold around him, and let out a big breath.

"She lost it."

She stated simply. Any more detail, and he wouldn't understand. His thumb went to his mouth, but Emily could see more tears were falling down his face. The brunette lifted him on to her lap, wrapping his legs around her waist, so he faced towards her. Leaning forward, the brunette kissed his tears from his cheeks.

"Does dat mean me won't be big brover?"

The profiler wasn't quite sure how to answer that, so she just shook her head, hoping her understood. He obviously did, as he put his head on Emily's chest, and one of his hands grabbed on to the front of her shirt. All Emily could do was hold him and keep hoping that she would be able to pull her family through it.

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**I love reviews more than I love cookies! And that's a hell of a lot...so please review and make a crappy day a better one :)**


	3. Barriers Up

**Disclaimer: **See Chapter One!

I'm so sorry this has took so long to write, real life and writers block just suck sometimes, but its here now! So I hope you enjoy it :) Thank you all so much for all your wonderful reviews. This might have taken longer if I didn't have them.

A huge thank you to **DarkBard0, **for being a kiss ass beta, helping me with this, and being an awesome girlfriend. I love you baby.

**Read on!**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

JJ sat in her and Emily's bedroom, her back against the door as silence stretched over the house. She had been in there for an hour or so, she had heard the team leave, she had heard Emily sobbing outside the door, and she heard the low murmurs coming from Henry's room. But all there was was silence, and JJ hated the silence. The blonde loved to hear the squeals from Henry as he played with Emily; she loved to hear their laughter. But that was gone.

The press liaison could feel her eyes stinging as she wiped at the tears that wouldn't stop falling. It felt like that was all she had done since they had got back from the hospital; she wasn't sure how many more she could possibly have. They just kept cascading down her cheeks, and she was finding it harder and harder to breathe.

JJ knew she had to go and see Emily; after all she wasn't the only one that was hurting. The only trouble was that she had no idea what to say to her wife. Saying sorry didn't seem sufficient enough for what had happened. She had taken away the baby that Emily had always craved. The blonde knew that the brunette loved Henry as her own, but this would have been Emily's child. Hers and Emily's. JJ had no doubt that the profiler was a fantastic mother, and all she wanted to do was give her wife a baby. But in her mind she couldn't even seem to do that right.

The blonde thought she always did things wrong when it came to the brunette. They had slept together after Reid had been found when he had been abducted. JJ had needed comfort, to be grounded, and Emily had provided that and that was when JJ made the first of her mistakes; she left before the profiler woke up the following morning. The blonde had feelings for Emily, but she hid them. Next there was New Orleans where she met Will, and he flirted with her and made her feel good, just not in the way Emily did. He was a safe option, so JJ had given the Cajun her number and they had starting seeing each other at weekends.

She and Emily never spoke about that night, but the touches and the glances still continued and JJ wouldn't have changed that for anything. If she couldn't have a relationship with the brunette then she would take the friendship over nothing any day. But then they had slept together again, after they had had a couple of drinks and again JJ left in the morning. And later on that day, before they had a chance to talk, they had flown to Miami and Will had shown up. The blonde could tell by the look on Emily's face that she knew they were together, and that face was something she was never able to get out of her head. She loved Emily, but Will was the safe choice. So when the profiler had told her to go for it with Will, even though she was shocked, she went. Looking back, JJ knew that all Emily wanted was the best for her, and she thought the police detective was the best thing for her.

Then JJ found out that she was pregnant, and even though she wanted to be with Emily, the blonde knew that Will would be a great father, and again, he was safe. But then when he suddenly pushed marriage on her in New York and blurted out to the team, including Emily, that she was pregnant, JJ knew there was no way to get out of it. She had seen the devastation in the brunette's eyes, but the profiler immediately closed it off to offer the blonde her congratulations.

All of it seemed like a life time ago. She had Emily now, and that was all that mattered. Her and Henry. But she couldn't help but feel that the brunette was going to leave her now because it was her that lost the baby. How could Emily love her now?

Looking down at her wedding ring, she ran her finger along it, turning it around. Bringing it to her mouth she kissed it softly, in a way recommitting herself to Emily. Pulling it away she reached up, and held on to the door handle. She pulled herself up and turned to face the door. She was hesitant and scared of what she'd see on the other side of the door when she saw Emily. She couldn't bear to watch if Emily was leaving, she couldn't cope with anything else. She wanted the brunette, but did she want her after this? JJ couldn't blame the profiler if she didn't.

Slowly opening the door, she peered her head out and heard nothing. Trying to hold back the sob, she walked towards Henry's room, needing to see him, to tell him she loved him, that they loved him. Finding his door open, she stopped in the doorway, holding herself up on the wall. This time she didn't try and stop the sob that came at the sight she saw in front of her. She always loved it when she came home from work to see them the way they were. JJ's hand went instinctively to her stomach, imagining how Emily would have been with the baby.

She used to dream about waking up and finding Emily playing with Henry and Olivia, or about the four of them going to the park, and the brunette pushing their daughter on the swing. It was all she used to think about, and now all JJ could see was darkness.

Now in front of her was her whole life, everything she lived for. Emily was on Henry's bed, her body wrapped around his, her arm slung across him so she was pulling him closer against her. All she could hear was their soft breathing and it made JJ feel a little at peace. It always did. But she could see the dark circles under Emily's eyes; she could see the redness of Henry's. It was obvious they had both been crying, and that made JJ's stomach lurch. It made her feel sick; it wouldn't have happened if it weren't for her. They could have been having fun, messing around. Anything but what she saw on their faces which was devastation.

Slowly, JJ walked to the edge of Henry's bed, and knelt down right in front of Emily's eye line. Looking at her son, she brushed her hand through his soft hair, the silent tears rolling down her cheeks. Leaning forward she placed a small kiss on his forehead, breathing in the smell of him. She knew he would have been an amazing big brother. He had been so excited about it.

Her hand then moved to caress Emily's cheek. Running her thumb along it, she leant forward and placed a gentle kiss on the brunette's nose. Not being able to stop the sob that came, though she tried to cover the noise, she saw Emily's eyes slowly open. Taking in a deep breath, she just knelt there and they stayed like that, looking in to each other's eyes for a few minutes, before Emily broke the silence.

"Hey."

Emily whispered, her own hand coming out to run it along JJ's arm, relieved when the blonde didn't pull away. It was probably the first time since the whole thing had happened, that JJ had let her wife touch her. And for that Emily was relieved.

"Hey yourself."

JJ whispered back, not wanting to wake up Henry. She let out a huge breath, when Emily wiped away her tears with her thumbs. She'd missed the contact with her wife, and she needed it then, she needed to feel grounded. She brought her own hand up to cover Emily's, giving it a gentle squeeze and giving the brunette a small smile, the tears still streaking down her cheeks.

Emily gently pulled JJ down on to the bed, moving over slightly and taking Henry with her, leaving enough space for the blonde to lie down too. JJ took a minute, looking down at the empty space before back up to meet Emily's eyes. She could see a range of emotions in the beautiful brown eyes, including love and understanding. Though JJ had no idea how the brunette could understand after losing their baby.

Lightly sniffing, JJ stood up and knelt down on the bed, before lying down on her side, facing Emily with Henry in between them. Her hand went down to gently run through Henry's hair, sighing before meeting her wife's gaze again. The blonde shuffled slightly closer, as Emily wrapped her arm around her waist, drawing her in. This is exactly what she needed.

"I've...I've missed you."

JJ whispered, her voice cracking with the emotion. Emily couldn't help the tears that fell from her own eyes, as she watched JJ be overcome with the tears. All she wanted to do was take her pain away, she'd take it herself if she could. Anything to stop the tears coming from JJ. The pain was evident on her face.

"I've missed you too baby."

The brunette said quietly back, not wanting to wake up Henry from his deep sleep that he had fallen in to. She was being honest, she had missed her wife. She had missed the contact, the connection between them. All she wanted to do was reconnect with JJ.

"How has he been?"

The media liaison asked, referring to the little boy squeezed between the pair of them. She had been worried about him, after she had walked off. JJ had regretted it, knowing it would have upset him. He had no idea what had happened, and he didn't deserve to have her walk away from him without any explanation or anything. She also wondered what the team thought of it. She hadn't said a word, but she didn't want too. She had felt crowded, everyone being there, wanting to know how she was. When all she wanted to do was be with her wife and her son, so they could start working through the devastation and sadness together. Exactly how it should be.

JJ had taken away the one thing that Emily always wanted, and now she was determined to make sure to do anything the brunette wanted from her. She owed her.

"Um...he's been okay, upset, but that was expected. I told him the truth about the baby; I didn't want to keep him from anything. He asked whether he was going to be a big brother, it broke my heart JJ, seeing him like that. He had been so excited, you know?"

Emily explained, not going into as much detail as she could, so she wouldn't upset JJ any further. She had seen it before on the job, where mothers had lost their baby. Seen them kill themselves over the guilt, but JJ seemed to be okay, and she was going to be there with her every step of the way. That was a promise; to herself, to Henry, to JJ and them as a family.

"I'm sorry for walking away, I just....I couldn't handle everyone being there, and then Henry..."

Seeing that JJ was about to lose it again, Emily brought her hand up and cupped the blonde's cheek, caressing it with her thumb. Wiping away the tears, she moved her hand again to tuck a piece of stray blonde hair behind her wife's ear, before coming back down to cup her cheek. She smiled softly when JJ leaned in to the touch, nuzzling her hand.

"It's okay baby, I understand. They understood too, it's really okay."

JJ couldn't quite believe that. How could it be okay, how could Emily be okay when she had lost their baby? How could it ever be okay? She knew she was going to have to do everything in her power, anything Emily wanted, to make it okay again. If she didn't, she was sure Emily was going to leave her. Leave her for someone that could give her a baby. So she had to do everything the brunette wanted.

Emily leaned across and gave JJ a soft kiss on the lips, before sliding off the bed and walking round to JJ's side. Leaning across the blonde, she gave Henry a soft kiss on the head, before placing a blanket over his small body. Looking down at her wife, she held out her hand. JJ looked at it for a few seconds, before grabbing hold of it and letting herself be pulled up.

All Emily wanted to do was help make JJ remember everything they had together. To remember that she was loved and cherished but not only her but Henry too. She wanted her to feel special, to feel desirable and to know that she would always have her there to anchor her down. They had been through so much already that although this was one of the most devastating times of both of their lives, Emily fully believed that they could come through the other side of the fire. They could do it together, she was sure of that. She trusted in their strength, trusted in JJ's strength and her own too. Her own to pull her family close and carry them through this if she had to.

She understood why JJ had pulled away, she honestly did. In the same circumstance the brunette didn't think for a second that she wouldn't have done it too. In fact she really thought she'd be fairing much worse than JJ, because JJ just had that light about her. The one everyone saw, the one that made her the little force of nature that she was. She'd be okay. Emily just needed to get her to feel again. Get her to reconnect.

She kissed JJ again after she had helped the blonde stand, and it was tentative and almost shaky from the overwhelming emotion. This had been the first real contact they had had since getting to the hospital. Emily had done her best to get her wife through all of that, but understandably JJ had been less than receptive to being touched. Now though, Emily felt some spark come back to life. JJ was kissing her back, softly and slowly at first. That was a good sign. Right now she could see the light at the end of the tunnel as JJ responded to her, and instinctively her hands moved along JJ's side.

Emily thought the slight flinch of the blonde's body was due to the sensitivity of her sides, but it wasn't. JJ flinched as the brunette's hands grazed along her stomach. For a second she thought she was going to be sick, as a thick, hot bile churned inside of her due to the touch. Part of her head was screaming, telling her to stop and lock herself away. Another part was whispering to her that something wasn't right. The thoughts she was having, the feelings, they weren't supposed to be there. That part of her knew she was in some kind of trouble; that she was spiralling out of control. However, a thick sense of apathy began to set in. Who the fuck cared?

Didn't she deserve it? She had proved incompetent as a wife, as a Mother and as a woman. She had failed repeatedly. She was wrong. Everything was just so damn wrong. But she kissed Emily back anyway, and she swallowed the thick substance down and continued to let the brunette touch her. She was being soft and gentle and part of her relished that and the other part hated it. Her head was clashing together, all these screams and whispers and everything else contorting into things she didn't recognise. Things she didn't want in there. But the water she was in was so high. She was sinking and the part of her that wouldn't fight was winning. So she was drowning.

Left desolate and ruined, JJ didn't give a damn if she had to give herself over to keep what she hadn't lost. To keep Emily in her life somehow, and to keep her little boy too. They would have been so much better off without her but she couldn't let go, so it wasn't to save herself that she fought for. It was to make sure she kept them, and she was willing to do anything and everything.

So she took Emily's offered hand, recognising the look in her eyes that spoke to her in silence, and let her lead her out of Henry's room and down the hall to their own. She had no idea why Emily would want her but she obviously wanted this, and who was she not to hand it over. She'd hand it over for as long as she ever had to, whatever Henry wanted of her, and whatever Emily wanted of her.

The finality of that thought came with the closing click of the bedroom door.

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**So, I'm sure you all want to know what happens next, so you know what to do....REVIEW!....please :)**


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